His Eyes

The past few weeks have been cluttered with misinterpreted emotions, numb haziness and brittle anxiety, all leaving me overwhelmed: a clouded perception with offset eyes.

Last night pulled my feet out from under me and my false feelings. In the midst of all those negative things pulling at my every attempt at equilibrium, I made my way to quite possibly, the last Cool Hand Luke show I’ll ever see. For it was their last album, last tour. I was telling Mark later that night after the show that I was hardly even in the mood to drive the 40 miles out to the show. I would have rather went home, fighting lukewarm apathy/motivation, feeling little to nothing pressing further against my worn out mind.

But I relented and journeyed out, enjoying the drive.

To cut to point. It took giving up control of handling the outcome of my emotions and mood to become open to the moving of that which was around me, the Holy Spirit. As I sat, listening to the music, listening to the familiar honesty of Mark (CHL’s singer), I was removed from myself and anything that had hindered my spirit. It seemed almost immediate that my heart was swollen and my eyes were glassy. CHL’s newest album is based on the last days leading up to Jesus’ death and resurrection, giving perspectives of those who encountered him, sharing what might have been their thoughts and emotions towards the unfathomable and most unsettling events that took place. (i.e., through the eyes of Simon Peter, John, Judas Iscariot, Jesus’ mother Mary…)

I realized, that I had everything I needed before I even walked into that room and that the only thing that changed was my perception. So many trivial things were consuming me with worry, saturating my mind with anxious contemplation. And for no reason. In comparison to that which is truly important, all the rest seemed to fall away and take it’s rightful place; underneath my joy, underneath God’s grace and peace.
Once again, it was honesty and surrender that allowed me to see the truth that never leaves, always waits and constantly pursues…

Soli Deo Gloria